So, turns out my "addictive personality" and my "running passenger" was ADHD all this time.
So, other people who have ADHD and/or are Autisic, like and/or need to stim. You can stim with a tool or do a full body stim. Each type of stim has it's own advantages and disadvantages and you can't always do or use the stim you need. So, with a condition that magnifies everything that you feel, it's best to be prepared, and over prepared. Luckily, the condition is also comes with hyper focus.
Stim Tools
I have always suspected I have an addictive personality. Once I find something that gives me that kick, I run it into the ground. I am right now in the grip of an ebay buying addiction which I know realise I have been using as stim. But before I go, will get some stim tools. There are so many of them. Those that burn energy, those that soothe and distract, some are socially acceptable. Lots of these I will have to buy but many others I have already.
Tangle Teaser
I once went to a training course where they had tangle teasers and before the meeting had ended I had already reserved one to the local Argos and I ran straight to the store to pick it up.
I have kept one one me at all times just in case of emergency. But now I know that I need them and why I need them, I decided to indulge myself and get the very best one I could.
Silicone Jiggle Toys
The elasticy stretchy ones hold particular fascination for me. I just love that you pull them and they cover right back and wiggle when they arrive.
I went to WHS on the search for a gift for my neighbour's child. While I was in there, I found a fabulous pen. It had a top like an afro and lit up when you pinged it.
After an evening with the pen, there wasn't much left to ping anymore.
It did still light up though. Maybe if I got a dedicated Wrist Squigglet
then it would last a bit longer? Still waiting on my eBay order to find out.
Stimming while new skilling
There are so many things to use as a stim. Great puzzles that are much more durable and seem, less, er, weird.
https://jpgamesltd.co.uk/buy-puzzles
Stuff I could do and look smart or useful doing. Like a rubix cube. Or something else.
Then there are musical instruments and toys like yoyos and diabolos where you can learn a new skill, do something that comes with a community, and stim all in one.
What could be better?
Clackers
I also considered clackers briefly.
I also considered making some, with a bit of string and some bouncy balls but discarded that idea.
Heat and pressure stims
I also thought about giving a weighted blanket a try. I heard Chrissy Tigen talk about it. I always wanted to try it for free before commiting to buying it. But I will just get one anyway and see how it goes.
Also, on TikTok, I saw people talking about using heat pads as stims. So I will look into using one and see when and how I can use it.
Visual stims - my light diffuser
Visual stims also come into it. I guess it covers things like lava lamps, and tinted lights and possibly even a great view.
I dunno what it is but visual stims take the lingering depression and self violence away but they also satisfy me, deeply and I don't want to talk all.
I've again in TikTok seen girls talking about getting burnt out and going non verbal. I do find it hard to talk, maybe if I actually didn't have all visual signs of ADHD beaten out as a child would I be nonverbal but significantly happier but living in a filthy institution some?
Impossible to know really.
Also, I already have some visual stims. In the winter when the dark mornings have depression breathing down my neck. I reach for lightning. I have a floodlight that plays the soothing sounds of a river and waves like water across my walls. I have a diffuser that emits a slow mist and emits rainbow light.
I have red fairy lights attached to a timer which come on in the evenings and work to effortlessly soothe me to sleep.
Audio stims
I always have headphones. Music is a big part of my life. My Apple Music subscription is the only app I've ever paid for, well apart from Notability.
I can tune into one particular emotion relentlessly for hours and hours and feel supported in my joy or sadness.
My diffuser makes a thin but pleasing sound and I love the ticking of the clock cos it eats into the oppressive silence and gives me something to focus on as I get the running passenger to slow down, so I can sleep and keep quiet.
Movement as a stim
The only issue with them and all other stim tools is that they are so noisy and you might end up in a situation where you have nothing on you. Like if you forget your bag, or you drop it while running from the police, for example.
Dancing
I like dancing, moving helps me. Gives my unruly passenger a beautiful form and shape. Gives me a community, I can be around people who are happy not to talk because of the loud music.
It's where I feel most "at home" when I'm not at home. It lifts up my mood and makes me happy.
Sometimes though, because I'm at work and none of the other stims are available to me and I don't want my mood lifted, I just need to zone in with absolute confidence and recital of facts.
This is where I've fallen down, become the most unstuck. Its not the place to be happy. I can't shake my legs under the desk because it can show fear. All I have is my mind and its such a scary place to be. I'm just filled with these wild thoughts going at full speed. Intercepting with any of them will make me look idiotic. And the fear of being overwhelmed is overwhelming and makes everything worse and I have to head to my favourite toilet to cry in.
Exercising
Walking up stairs or doing some quick burst of energy has been the very best.
I like full body movement, I think it feels much better and gets you to your destination mush faster. The only problem with dancing is that it lifts your mood on a way that's not great for meetings. Some quick yoga or a wobble board works for office situations I think.
I have heard about people exercising every day to take the edge out of their emotions. Emotions need energy to run, if you burn them out they can't get out of hand and you get a fit body to show off too.
I now realise, I'd been doing that subconsciously and it worked OK till glandular fever and it's nasty friend chronic fatigue came to pay a visit and stayed for years. I could not even do light yoga when it was at it's worst.
Yeah, so options are needed.
Verbal Stimming
When I have been the most stressed I go into this weird language chatter.
I dunno what I'm saying but if the stress is prolonged and I feel the intense pressure of peoples expectations I lapse into it.
This is the most crazy I have ever looked.
Eating
Now we are on the concept of things I do with my body. I guess I should talk about eating. I've definitely used eating as a way to calm myself down.
Just the whole act of getting up to eat, gives you the opportunity to move and get external stimuli, getting sugar gives a nice hit of dopamine too.
Self stimulating stims
Oh, this sounds very dirty, doesn't it. I mean, it can be, but just touching your body or shoulders does a world of good.
